lilqt37421

does anybody still come here on the off chance that i might update it?

since a certain spoiled little brat is trying to get me into trouble with this thing, i've decided im not going to update it anymore...

i love you, just not the way you want me to...

 

its friday, and once again i have nothing to do...and its depressing. Gotta watch secret window in spanish, it was pretty good, haven't seen the ending to it yet though. went over to Codys and played with his puppys. im gonna try to get derick to take me up to flagstone or something, but if not i'll prolly call up michael, jermey, cody & matt, and just get drunk at someone's house. good times good times. aunt margret called...everytime she calls i always get scared, cus im always afraid shes gonna say somethings happened with Grandpa....but she was just calling to chat with daddy, so thas good.

 

i feel torn between guys. i know theres like 2 or 3 guys that like me, and i like 1 or 2 guys. and im afraid that one of those guys who likes me, might ask me out, and i care about him, just not the way he cares about me. and i'd feel really bad if i hurt him... speaking of that...one of my new recent guy friends just asked me out....i told him, maybe if i knew him better. we've talked to each other like twice maybe. and he knows nothing about me, and i know nothing about him....he thinks, that makes it more interesting..gives us something to talk about.....*ponders*.... somdebody def. needs to leave liz some advice, cus im pretty damn confused about wat to do. i think i might like him but umm i dunno...wow he keeps making me feel good about myself....damn him!

well, since everyone else updated their LJ's thingys, i thought i'd update mine.
life is boring. im so sick and tired of doing the same thing every day. moms starting to work late again. daddy was home today, and mike was a bitch...he makes me tardy everyday, and he refuses to leave the house 2 minutes early...on the way home from school, there was a spider in the car...its really hot down here, and freezing in my room. and my neck hurts really bad. in housing we have the gayest project to do, we have to make a board game about housing, with 60 questions and at least 50 squares on the board...how the hell do u make a game about housing.
this heat is getting to me, and i think its my bed time.

today was better. Daddy comes home today. =D n mom caughed up 25$ for me.

since mike skipped today, i had to ride the bus this morning....got raped....but i gotta see derick, so thats always good. and my tongue hurts really bad.

this morning momma made breakfeast......and there was a spider on the counter.

im so confused about guys. i don't understand them. and it makes my head spin. this one guy, will not stop trying to grab me/finger me, no matter how many times i tell him thats not the kinda girl i am. & he wouldn't stop, so i told him i had a bf & everything...he tried to put his hand up my shirt. & wen he picks me up to do stuff, he says that other people are gonna be there, and sometimes they come with him to my house, and after i agree to hang out with them, they all ditch us, so im alone with him again.

& then theres ben....wenever i think about all the shyt that happened between i always start to cry.speaking of him, he supposedly broke up with linds....again, and thas prolly why he started talking to me again... i finally got around to telling derick everything that happened, and he offered to beat him up for me.=) my head hurts now...time for sum meds.

i had a really shitty day, cus i's sick and mom was being a bitch to me...but i got online and i talked to someone, who will remain nameless, and wow, he made me feel so dman good. he knew exactly wat to say to me, to make me smile.

anyways, so im pretty sure i got a cold, so i's laying in bed allday watching tv, waiting for some guy to call me back....he never did. it drives me crazy wen guys say they'll call back and then they don;t. becky has like 6 bajilion pillows on her bed, i was gonna borrow one, since i's in bed all day, i wantted to be comfy....mom didn't like that, and she got all pissy. sed i couldn't use it..cus some times she slept in becky bed...omg we got into this huge fight over something so stupid.

today was boring. mom woke me up at like 11 to goto walmart and get some pictures made, she took me out to lunch at mcdonalds, so i guess it was worth getting up for. she went to work when we got home. i mowed the lawn, took a shower, laid out, finished my home-work, did my laundry, and cleaned my room. i've been tired all day. i got a semi-good tan today. wen i's laying out, i think i fell asleep, so that was fun. *note to Timmy*: i had a top & bottoms on while i's tanning.

its been such a long day, of doing nothing. & i've felt sick all day. hope im not getting a cold. i hate colds.-they suck harry monkey balls.

yesterday lindsey drove the bus, and she had her baby with her....that weird lil kid tried to rape me on the bus again...so i got michael and his brother to beat him up for me. i heard that the same lil boy fingered emi on the bus a few days ago...and people call me a whore. thursday or wednesday emi and some other lil girl french kissed each other...it was nasty....dunno how that turns guys on.

so ben MSGes me, and hes being all sweet & shyt. and i think he wants me to let him back into my life agian, but im afraid to, cus hes hurt me like 5 or 6 times. and anthony & kyle are always telling me that hes playing me & shit, and i wouldn't believe them. and i'd always set myself up to get hurt. and im afraid to do that again. im also afriad that if i do let him back in to my life, that i might start not knowlingly-flirting with him again, then he'll tell his gf and she'll be bitchy towrds me and threaten me.

im so sick of being stressed out/depressed cause of ben.

RAWR

 

wat do yall think of this

i feel my chest getting tighter cus i can't breathe
i'm suficating, while everyone watches, and does nothing
i'm afraid to ask for help
because i don't want to be judged
my throat hurts from screaming
i run away from you in fear
i hide in my room as the tears keep falling
i feel the slightest bit of comfort
as i put the blade against my skin
i'm going insane
the sight of blood calms me down
i have a shortness of breath, i'm gasping for air
as i fall to the ground.
i try to call for help, but no1 hears me
im lying on the floor in a puddle of my own blood
people are banging on the door, and calling my name
i hear sirens as i slowly drift away.
As they enter my room, i take my last breath.
They were to late

i read lindsey/bens LJ's cus me linds, sumtimes peg, & ben will have verbal fights in her comments, and lindseys like this depressed freaky person, and she was sayin how she wants ben to move on & forget about her n shyt...then ben leaves her a comment sayin i can't live without u n shyt, and its really funny. if some guy whos cheated on me in the past, told me he couldn't live without me, i'd prolly bitch slap him, then laugh at him.

i got a boo boo on my knee during lunch...& it was on my bad knee.....& now it hurts to walk. & i gotta boo boo on my arm. wen i got home, i had a glass of milk with my cupcake...and it hurt so fukin bad ..i need someone to kiss me n make me all better

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll have woke up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"

You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me? Even though I'd be sacrificed,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
Shudder deep and cry out:
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
And wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me...

the trip up there sucked, cus it rained until forever. we got there at like 3...and aunt pattie & big randy hung out in our room, til it was time for the rehersal dinner. the rehersal dinner was awesome. mrs FL was there, and she sang for us. so that was cool. dad let me n mike drink his gin, that was even cooler.

Saturday i gotta see Timmy for like 15 whole minutes. aunt margret, dad, and me went out to eat then spent the rest of the time we were up there at the hospital with grandpa. uncle joe came after we left.

the wedding was awesome. it was so pretty. it was right across from lake st claire. the reception was on the lake, and gorgeous....and it smelled like my body spray. gotta talk to rickey for awhile, while i's up there. dad lemme try some of his red wine, & beer. then one of my cousins snuck mike a beer, and he shared it with me.

lil randy tried to make me dance with him. andy tried to also. i gave in the 2nd time, jus cus hes the groom.

wen we got bak to the hotel room, dad was being a bitch. then mike was bitching at me cus i went outside to call rickey. so i got stuck sleeping on the couch cus of that.

the car trip sucked monkey ass on the way home. we left at like 7:30. then we were all being bitches in the car so it sucked even more.

i've got "mixed  feelings" about a couple of guys in school now, and its driving me crazy. cus i see them all every day and have so much fun with them, then wen i get home and think about everything, it stresses me out.

i fianlly finished packing tonight. & tomarrow i getta see timmy toes and lil randy~!! i can't wait to see them. mom sed if we decide to drive in tonight, that we're jus gonna crash with aunt pattie -N- uncle randy in their hotel room, and if im lucky lil randy is gonna be in the same room as them. but since his girlfriend is spose to be coming to the wedding to, they're prolly gonna get their own room.
mom might pay me 5$ a night to be good again. easiest way to make money. wen we went to FL like a week before school started she gave me 5$ a night for going to sleep without getting in a fight with anyone, it was awesome.

i gotta see derick today. =) i told him how K.K. and her cousins r spose to jump me -N- everything, and he sed he wouldn't let that happen. =D

alan tried to ask me out today, and it was funny....he tried twice, and me -randi -N- jared made fun of him. it was great.

powers been goin on and off cus of the dayum storm. i should prolly turn the computer off.

my hands and toes are cold....& im wet..and hungry....& i have to pee. i gotta talk to lil randy today. =D...and aunt pattie.

i found this poem, and i wanna kno wat yall think about it

 

i know how i feel about you

but i can't bring myself to tell u

but im afraid

afraid that u won't feel the same

afraid that u'll like me bak

afraid that i might get hurt, again

i want to tell u, but im afraid

i feel really close to u

i want u to be in my life

u kno my deepest secrets

and still think im an incrediable person

i want u to kno howi feel about u

so Ooltewah beat Central 41-28...never found a ride to the game...i got to sit at home...doing nothing....and it was so LAME. derrick called me and we talked for about 2 hours...apperntly wen i hung up on ryan today, he was in the middle of giving rory the fone...oh well, jus means i won't have to listen to him bitch at me cus i hung up on him.

...oOo tony sed "dayum u r fine in my eyes."....i've never had a guy say dayum ur fine....i only get sexy and all that other gud shyt. lol

  got our progress reports today. got a 99 in family consumer sciences 98 in housing 80 in alg 2 and a 92 in spanish.

rickey and greg r spending the night at marshalls..n they're all goin to the game tonight and it suks monkey ass cus i wanna go, but since its an away game i can't find a ride. i called rory to see if i could get a ride with him, but ryan answered the fone n i thought it was rory so i's talking to him n shyt and then he told me it was him, and i asked him to get rory and he sed no and everything, then i told him i needed to talk to rory about something, so ryans like tell me and i'll tell him, and i sed no and i told him it was cus i didn't trust him and everything..and since i still haven't gotten around to telling him why i don't trust him, he's like "liz...liz" over and over in a tone, cus i wouldn't say anything, so i just hung up on him.....now im gonna have to listen to him bitch.

oh, and i had like a shot of bacardi...and it was like a bajilion years old.....and it made my chest burn...it was funny.

this weekend i gotta majorly clean up my room, and i've got to work on my housing project, and my family consumer sciences project is do thursday....and i haven't even started on it...and these school projects are really stressin me out. >.<

yall needa read this convo me n linds. had then lemme sum advice

Cobain Fairee (7:37:43 PM): hi liz this is lindsey
X0X LIZ XOX (7:37:48 PM): hi
Cobain Fairee (7:37:58 PM): this is my new screen name
Cobain Fairee (7:38:39 PM): oh and i LOVE that icon you told ben to send to me
X0X LIZ XOX (7:39:04 PM): i didn't kno i told him to send u an icon?
Cobain Fairee (7:39:16 PM): oh yes
X0X LIZ XOX (7:39:21 PM): which one
Cobain Fairee (7:39:31 PM): the one that said "i slept with your boyfriend"
X0X LIZ XOX (7:39:47 PM): show it to me cus i don't know wat ur talking about
Cobain Fairee wants to directly connect (7:40:14 PM).
Cobain Fairee is now directly connected (7:40:16 PM).
Cobain Fairee (7:40:21 PM):
X0X LIZ XOX (7:40:37 PM): sry but i've never seen that before
X0X LIZ XOX (7:40:46 PM): and im still a virgin so dunno wat hes talkin about
Cobain Fairee (7:41:13 PM): really is that why i can see that he forwarded it to me from an e-mail from you?
Cobain Fairee (7:41:24 PM): and i really don't trust that your a virgin
Cobain Fairee (7:41:39 PM): i know too many guys who are friends with you for that reason
X0X LIZ XOX (7:41:53 PM): and wat was my e mail
X0X LIZ XOX (7:42:12 PM): whos with me to sleep with me
Cobain Fairee (7:42:30 PM): that is not information i am going to release
Cobain Fairee (7:42:39 PM): look i'm just letting you know
Cobain Fairee (7:42:44 PM): i don't like you talking to ben
Cobain Fairee (7:42:49 PM): i don't like you in general
Cobain Fairee (7:42:50 PM): so
Cobain Fairee (7:42:53 PM): back off
X0X LIZ XOX (7:42:55 PM): i haven't talked to him in like a week
Cobain Fairee (7:43:20 PM): good keep that way
Cobain Fairee (7:43:31 PM): just remember i have eyes and ears in that school
Cobain Fairee (7:43:41 PM): don't go near him
X0X LIZ XOX (7:43:56 PM): i dun give a fuk
X0X LIZ XOX (7:44:00 PM): i'll talk to him all i want
Cobain Fairee (7:44:12 PM): thats not smart
Cobain Fairee (7:44:13 PM): but
Cobain Fairee (7:44:17 PM): its your life
X0X LIZ XOX (7:44:22 PM): w/e
Cobain Fairee (7:44:57 PM): i'm not telling you to do anything i'm just making suggestions
X0X LIZ XOX (7:45:11 PM): i don't give a damn
Cobain Fairee (7:45:17 PM): fine
Cobain Fairee (7:45:26 PM): now i have to make some phone calls
Cobain Fairee (7:45:32 PM): to fix a problem
Cobain Fairee (7:45:37 PM): . . .
Cobain Fairee (7:45:37 PM): you
Cobain Fairee direct connection is closed (7:45:38 PM).
Cobain Fairee signed off at 7:45:44 PM.
Cobain Fairee signed on at 7:56:25 PM.
Cobain Fairee signed off at 7:56:41 PM.

i saw wicker park with greg marshall and rickey. it was awesome. the movie was soo funny cus we would randommly say stuff during the movie and everyone would laugh at us...the movie itself was confusing cus they had alot of flash backs but we liked it.

before the movie me greg and rickey were waiting for marshall and like 3 black kids asked greg if they could use his fone...it was funny.

Today me n momma went shopping. i got a skirt and a top for Andys wedding, and we went to aero and i got sum cords an a shirt for the rehersal dinner. and i got sum more school pants....they fit me! oh and timmy no kinkyness went on during the movie

so ryan sed he was sorry, about almost losing our friendship over somethin so small. and i forgave him.

ms pratt had me and randi go downstairs and get her cart from ms lanes room, and we get there, and my arms resting on a cart, and im llike"ms lane where's mrs pratts cart,and shes like ur resting on it" and well made fun of liz cus shes blonde. then mrs lanes like"liz u kno to use the elevator to take it upstairs, don't try to take it up the stairwell" ya that was funny to. gud times gud times.

rory rickey ryan marshall n me are all goin to see wicker park saturday. i told marshall that if he went i'd give him somethin special. so hes lucky...and i asked rory wat he would do if during the movie i randomly rubed leg...he sed hed give me a look and then do it bak....so ima have to do that to him, jus to see if he does it bak. sum girls from GPS like ditched rickey, and they're gonna see a movie wiithout him...so i told rickey that if we ran into them at the movies i'd make out with him rite infront of the girls just to make them jealous....wow im jus a lil tease